I regard Mother’s Day differently now. Along with giving my heartfelt thanks to my mother and mother-in-law for all they have done and do, I have designated it a day to honor my dream of being a mother. I imagine it is somewhat similar to how you might tenderly regard your wedding anniversary after your dear spouse had died; along with celebrating with gratitude the love and experiences you had together, you would create space for the profound sorrow you felt for no longer having your cherished partner to share your life with you. As I look back, I see My Man and I endured so much to try and become parents before we lost the momentum, energy, and courage to try anymore. The doctor’s appointments, surgeries, IUI’s, IVF’s, shots, medications, pregnancy tests, miscarriages, hope and excitement were a big part of our lives for a such long stretch of time. I imagine some would consider looking at mother’s day this way “feeling sorry for myself”—whatever that means…I see it more as allowing for grief, healing and self compassion. I just know in my bones that if I don’t embrace my lived/felt experience in its entirety, my life takes on a superficial, numb, going-through-the-motions, gray hue, as I become detached from my passion, vitality and exuberance as well.
KlaraMay 4, 2014 at 4:03 am
I haven’t looked at Mother’s Day from this prospective… but you are right!
RubyMay 6, 2014 at 9:21 am
Thank you Klara. I felt some real relief when I reappropriated Mother’s Day…
AmelMay 4, 2014 at 5:48 am
You’re very wise (LOVE this post and the last sentence most especially). I think it’s not feeling sorry for yourself, but honoring that buried dream, that sacred place inside you. Because the only way to heal grief is to grieve…
RubyMay 6, 2014 at 9:16 am
Thank you Amel! Your statement “Because the only way to heal grief is to grieve…” is profound. Thanks for sharing!
loribethMay 4, 2014 at 5:16 pm
Great to see a post from you! And I agree with Klara & Amel, I like this way of looking at Mother’s Day. It’s probably easier to do for those of us who live further away from our families or don’t have our mothers with us any longer… much easier to go our own way & do whatever we want or feel is right. I send my mom a card & give her a phone call and she’s happy. 😉
RubyMay 6, 2014 at 9:18 am
Good point Loribeth. My mother-in-law lives close by, but we are not compelled to spend the entire day with her so luckily I have some time and space to “do my own thing.”