Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in the States. My honey-brined turkey, cranberry apple relish, garlic red-skinned mashed potatoes, creamy giblet gravy and Italian sausage with sourdough bread stuffing were well worth all the work I did preparing them. As fun as all that was, I am a firm believer that any day can be Thanksgiving, and that one sure way to hop off of the hedonic treadmill is to stop and pause to be grateful for all of the things you do have. With that being said, I am not a Pollyanna, and as I often remind my DH I am quite capable of feeling two or more emotions at the same time. For instances, he used to be horrified and angry when I would say something offensive in response to hearing about yet another friend of ours getting pregnant. I would then firmly tell him that a part of me was very happy for them and another part was very unhappy for me. So I let myself stop and pause, enjoy and feel grateful for even random things like wonderful smells, or bird songs, I also let myself feel sad over loss, and grieve. The kaleidoscope of emotions are part of what make me both human and real, and I refuse to shut off half of them just to be “nice” or “pleasant.” On the same token, I don’t feel that he (or anyone else for that matter) should feel the obligation to “take care of” me or my emotions (although it is awfully nice when someone takes the time to really listen and/or is supportive). They just are, and sometimes, when it seems appropriate, I choose to share them, especially with people with whom I am close.
You may be wondering where I am going with all of this… At the risk of sounding effusive or redundant (because I have already said similar things on my “More About Me” and “Why Beef Princess?” pages), I have to say I am incredibly grateful for this blog and the comments people are leaving on it and the blogs of all of the other women I regularly read. I am not sure I even realized how lonely and disenfranchised I felt until the flood of relief that hit and engulfed me recently. I am so damned glad I got up the gumption to start commenting on other blogs and start my own blog. As we all know most people just “don’t want to hear about IT”—IT being taboo subjects like, but certainly not limited to, infertility, miscarriage, illness, hysterectomy, (not that I want to hear about others go on and on about their pregnancy, kids, grand kids, pregnancy either, but at least the folks who want to discuss those topics will easily find some company, whereas it’s generally more difficult for folks wanting to discuss the taboo subjects).
So, although a part of me is still often sad, another part of me is elated and utterly Thankful.
MaliNovember 28, 2011 at 5:21 pm
That’s lovely. It very much expresses why I started my blog too, even though I started it some years after the end of my trying-to-conceive madness and pregnancy losses. None of us want to feel alone – and yet infertility or living without children can be lonely, simply because we don’t have other people around us in a similar situation. I’m glad you’ve joined our community.