Trauma and infertility, among others, are taboo subjects. You know, the ones that should only happen to other people during discussions in polite company. If you find yourself living a taboo, it can become a preoccupation, like the cold sore your tongue cannot help but exploring. I guarantee you won’t get many opportunities to feel comfortably heard. As a result, you can thus find yourself withdrawing and/or feeling like you are on the outside looking in on the rest of the world–like you are “apples to an oranges world.” * Initially, I felt just shame and hurt and very alone. Now I also feel compassion (along with the shame and hurt and alone-ness sometimes), both for myself and humanity in general. We are all in this mess together and desperately trying to figure it out.
Default mode is living the life you feel you should be living because it is what everybody does. I think we are all living from default mode, more or less. It is just that default mode doesn’t feel that trustworthy anymore. Taking walk down Taboo Boulevard can do that to a girl; it can be a big wake-up call. I find myself questioning almost everything. I don’t have the luxury of taking anything at face value anymore. I am regularly assessing what is really effective for me and what isn’t based on my own experience not based on what is the “norm.” It is like going through my closets and asking the tough questions about what I will really wear again and what I should pitch. Embracing the taboo can be ultimately freeing. Nicole at Real Life and Thereafter recently wrote “Accept that you will die. And then decide how you want to spend your time.”, which really taps the auto focus button for me. This is it. This precious time is mine to choose to live according to my consciously chosen unique set of value and beliefs. Who knows? Perhaps I will find myself gleefully skipping down Taboo Boulevard as I live my delightfully authentic life.
I am curious what silver linings you may have stumbled on while strolling down Taboo Boulevard.
*I borrowed the phrase “apples to an oranges world” from Beth Thornley’s song My Glass Eye, in her CD also entitled My Glass Eye, which is stuffed with delicious lyrics and tunes. BTW, I also adore her CD, Wash U Clean.